the reveal

motivation /every day i think about the types of things that i can do to be more successful, more energetic, more fun, more loving, kinder and more thoughtful. 

every day i find myself searching for more. it makes me feel overwhelmingly ungrateful for what i do have. 

this cycle happens -i cannot stress this enough-- all day long, every day. 

back story /don't get me wrong, i love my life. i am happy and relatively healthy. in good mind, body and spirit. and yet, there's an undeniable nagging that i am not doing/achieving/living life to the best of my abilities. even though, most think i do too much. i feel i am capable of more. 

so when i sat down to write i thought i should begin my stream of consciousness by admitting i struggle with these sometimes very confusing thoughts constantly. 

inspiration/things that inspire me along the way to try even harder are:

-my mother's dreams, or what i believed they would be if she were alive

-music

-my immediate family and long-term friends (like family) who are the foundation of my life

-my ego which drives me to never want to rely on someone to do something for me 

the first one has been a life-long challenge for me to gain perspective around. the last one is the one that makes me play guitar and fly planes. 

evidently i am both melancholic and competitive. 

ha. all i know is i do tend to switch it up often. it's proven particularly challenging with flying. it's really a dedication of time that i find myself only having in bursts. guitar i can play all the time. but flying is harder that i thought it would be. 

in between what i believe were the dreams of my mother (live in italy, speak italian, have fun, be free of commitments, enjoy life, travel, live love and dance to music all the time) and my ego are two fundamentals about me. 

music is omnipresent. it's transcends space and time for me. it's all i really need. if i went deaf (which is starting to worry me after years of dj'ing at parties and being at concerts) i believe i would have a hard time with living a full life. 

my family and friends are also proud achievements in my humble opinion. i love them and know they love me. it's a great feeling. no kids, but that's by design.

caveat/so now that you know about the basics about me, if you didn't already, hopefully you won't judge my random thoughts as i divulge them...

and i really believe this is more for me then anyone else, as an exercise in writing again. it's a discipline i've lost over the years. i want it back. 

oh and to keep my own brand integrity (funny i haven't mentioned my work until now -- that's a welcome change), i will end always with the song of the moment to enhance the experience. you can choose to hear it or not. it's all good.

here's to the lucid moments of my life finally having a home. and for the less lucid moments that need a place to squat for a bit on their path...

hollywood, out.

k

song of the moment: melt my heart to stone by adele (at the carson daly show taping i attended recently, too!) 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkvX1t3VQfQ